It's all fun and games until somebody gets shot in the head...um, wait, what?

In today’s When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong Department:

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Police in Ohio say a woman was shot to death in an argument with a relative who didn’t think she dressed properly for Easter dinner.
Columbus police say 19-year-old Danielle Pickens showed up Sunday night at the home of cousin Evelyn Burgess wearing a T-shirt and jean shorts. Detective Steven Eppert says 42-year-old Burgess told officers she thought the outfit was inappropriate and disrespectful for Easter dinner.

The women fought, and police say when Pickens walked outside to leave in a car Burgess shot her in the head with a handgun. The younger woman died at a hospital.

Eppert says Burgess told investigators she didn’t mean to shoot Pickens.

Burgess is to appear in court Tuesday on a murder charge. Court records don’t show an attorney for her.

Well, damn. Here’s a toast to the fool, Cousin Evelyn Burgess, who obviously runs a tight ship over at her house.

A little too tight.

...beating a dead Tiger

Well isn’t this special…

We all knew that the obligatory Saturday Night Live spoof of Tiger “Whooped” Woods v. Elin “The Swede” Woods slobbernocker was a-comin’.  I know it’s a timing issue, seeing that half the frackin’ world (including YBT) has pimped this story like a single hooker at a frat house mixer, sure SNL had to get their shot in….BUT

Seeing as your musical guest was recently a victim of domestic violence and that this Tiger jibba-jabba is still strong discussion that’s headed into week dos, one would have thought that the kosher thing to do was to pump the brakes for a week.  Ha!  What am I thinkin’, nobody at SNL comes with brakes, silly!

...give peace a chance or I'll kick this girl's ass!

But, since this was a super celebrity getting his arse kicked AND it was a dude getting the smackdown layeth upon his arse, f*ck it, let them blows fall where they may!  Rhianna holding a press conference, continually being interrupted by Chris Brown kicking her ass, that’s dispicable, but Tiger Woods getting whooped up on by his wife, hardy har har, motherf*ckers!

Jesus wept.

Can’t wait for the LAW & ORDER SVU “ripped from the headlines” Tiger episode.

Maybe they will cast Chris Brown in the Tiger role.  Whoop dat trick!

YBT SCORE: 3 to 5 for assaulting your woman, 3 to 5 weeks being discussed on the cable newsworks, minimum if you’re a Swedish Nanny whooping your superstar golfer hubby’s ass.

I have no idea who has enough spare time in their lives to give a flying grape about what the girl on the raisin box looks like, but apparently there are some people that do. According to an article on yahoo today, there’s been some hubbub about the raisin girls hubcaps and her entire new videogame look:

Naturally, the revamped look hasn’t gone unnoticed, rankling both ends of the political spectrum. The blog for conservative magazine The Weekly Standard noted that the new Sun-Maid girl looks “as if Julia Roberts decided to don a red bonnet and start picking grapes,” while the feminist website Jezebel.com remarked that it looks as if she’s had “some implants.”

Now, I’ve seen the difference between the old version:

And the new version:

And I can say that while I might not have noticed while trying to open that tiny little pack of raisins so it doesn’t spill out all over the freaking table, there is SURELY a difference. However, while she might LOOK  a little promiscious, I have it on good authority that the new Sunmaid girl is nothing more than a tease… you know how girls from California are. Besides, I think it was time that the old Sunmaid girl got replaced, after all there must’ve been a TON of plastic surgeries… According to the company’s website, here she is looking busted in 1923:

Gross, and sort of saggy too. I guess if you leave them out in the sun that long, they really do start to look like, well, raisins.

Ok, seriously, calm down people..  it’s just a box of raisins. I can’t wait to see the fury that will be had if Captain Crunch goes through with that sex change operation he’s been hinting at for years.

If you’re worried way to much about the raisin girls breasticles, Y’all be nippin, err I mean, trippin’

 YBT SCORE: 8 out of 38DD.

According to some news report I read somewhere (doesn’t really matter where, does it?) ABC canceled more appearances of Adam Lambert after he made out with some dude on stage:

The repercussions for Adam Lambert’s controversial performance at the American Music Awards just keep on coming. The singer confirms that ABC has cancelled his two upcoming appearances on the network — “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” and “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.”

Lambert tweeted, “Yes, sadly friends, ABC has cancelled my appearances on Kimmel and NYE. don’t blame them. It’s the FCC heat.”

Really ABC? REALLY? The same Disney-owned-conglomerate of channels that features television shows about teenage sex (and teenage oral sex), and whose news channels are even obsessed with sex is now hating on Adam Lambert because he made out with a dude and simulated some oral on national TV:

I’m not even going to use the tired old “Madonna and Britney” argument, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take another look at it.. you know for posterities sake:

(You think Britney tastes like failure? I bet it tastes kinda hot…)

EDIT: Oh we can’t forget that Christina ALSO kissed Madonna. It’s like the Britney image only, with more talent!

(I just realized, Christina got Brit’s sloppy seconds. Damn!)

*AHEM* Anyway, the point is ABC you need to get OVER it already. I mean, the truth of the matter is that networks are run by aging white men who have no problem with watching Britney and Madonna make out, because it sexually attracts them, but cannot stand watching Adam and some random dude (how is he not on a reality show yet?) swap some spit.

NOW, don’t get me wrong, the entire Adam Lambert AMA performance was freaking ridiculous. It was nothing more than a publicity stunt, and a poorly placed one. You can’t go from runner up on American Idol to sex God overnight Adam, sorry.

But that doesn’t give ABC the right to punk out on his FUTURE stuff. He learned his lesson and it’s already cost him. I doubt he’ll be kissing many dudes in the near future… well on stage at least. Give the guy a break, he’s got the pipes, let the man sing.

So ABC, y’all be trippin.

YBT SCALE: 3 tongue kisses out of 10

Ok, so according to the CNN newstory, some people are up in arms over a picture of Michelle Obama that was apparently racist. Google didn’t make the picture, distribute the picture or even promote the picture, but it showed up if you Google Image searched the First Lady’s name. People were offended, obviously, considering the picture was a photograph with an ape’s face in the place of the lovely Michelle’s, but seriously, WTF do people think GOOGLE is gonna do about it?

Listen people, as much as you’d like to think so, Google isn’t reading your mind or picking things it WANTS you to see, it’s some computer magic that happens when you search that brings you the most popular links (or in this case images) when you press search. It’s not GOOGLES fault that some jackass lowlife inbred painted over Michelle Obama’s face with that of an ape anymore than it’s GOOGLES fault for any of the images that would come up if you searched for “obese porn” or whatever music that would come up if you searched for “Kenny G”. Brr… we shudder at the thought.

According to CNN, Google took down the offending website citing that it could cause “harm to your computer”, and the only way to find the image is to search directly for it, so it’s probably well hidden in the dark corners of the internet for now, but much like those pictures of you diving in the pool naked after a Superbowl bet gone bad, they’re bound to come back to haunt SOMETIME.

Furthermore, why does an ape on a black woman’s face automatically become RACIST? Michelle doesn’t look like an ape to me, and while I am sure the person who created the image had racist intentions, the fact that it automatically becomes racist is a bit ridiculous.

Aren’t their WHITE people who look like apes?

Oh, snap.

Geez, no one’s yelling at GOOGLE for that one. So, to all those punks blaming GOOGLE for someone elses racism? Y’all be trippin.

YBT SCALE: 5 bananas out of 10. Yea I said it, it’s an APE joke.

Ugh.

You know what’s worse than bigotry? People using awesome fun technology to spread their bigotry message. Seriously, I don’t even want to POST this twitter account here, but I will relucntantly to show you what a douchebag this person really is:

http://twitter.com/meganphelps

Megan Phelps is but one of a small, but hopefully SHRINKING, number of supporters of the Westboro Baptist Church, yeah the same group who pickets against soldier’s funerals, and proudly proclaims (on their url no less) that God Hates Fags.

A horrible person spreading their disgusting message.

Anyway this bitch decides that spreading her word via Twitter would be a good thing, and the entire internet is a little more disgusting because of it. Some of her sample hate-filled tweets:

To avoid the same dumb ?s: God DOESN’T love everyone: He hates fags and fag enablers

Thank God for AIDS! You won’t repent of your rebellion that brought His wrath on you in this incurable scourge, so expect more & worse! #red

The fags you refer to are like the filthy ravens who fed Elijah (1 Ki. 17) – @ your nasty hand, God gives us tools to serve Him!

Of course, besides the hate, there’s also a few normal-yet-even-more-disturbing-because-of-the-normalcy tweets like:

What happens when awesome brothers buy u awesome tools? You label them! By tomorrow, everything I own will be covered in red, glittery tape!

This is the kind of stuff that makes the world a stupid place sometimes. People like Megan Phelps don’t understand anything about life, and then using GOD to cover up your hate? Well, that’s just plain old ridonkulous.

We’re proud to give our first Anti-Hater award to another twitter follower who has been engaged in an ongoing Tweet-War with @MeganPhelps. The award goes to @MichaelIanBlack, (yes, the actor and comedian) for fighting back against @MeganPhelps with some of his OWN harsh words. Our favorite of his tweets to this twat?

God titty fucks @meganphelps

OUCH!

So, Megan Phelps, her 900 followers, and the entire Westboro Baptist Church – Y’ALL BE SERIOUSLY TRIPPING.

YBT SCALE: 11teenbillion of out 10